I was thinking the other day, I really like my job. The work's been good, the hours reasonable (relatively speaking), and even Cleveland Boss seems to have warmed up to me. And then, I get a call.

It was from a partner I'd met only once before, at a summer associate "field trip." She works in a different practice area from mine, and asked if I could do a small assignment- Nothing major, just a little online research. I said "sure, as long as New York Boss ok's it." (I'm knee-deep in document review for an international litagation case he's supervising) She calls back, and says to swing by her office.

Later that evening, New York Boss stops by my office on his way out, and rather cryptically says "You know, as a word of advice, don't get caught between two partners." I of course acknowledge the advice, a little confused about what he's saying. he continues, "It's never a good place to be, and in the end, you just end up making people mad."

Maybe he knew something I didn't, because I was here till 10pm last night doing research for and it's totally nonbillable, so i'm falling behind on my billables and all those hours count for shit. Several hours with Lexisnexis later, I'd crafted for her a 2-inch thick binder of research, organized by section and tabbed with post-it flags every time a point relevent to her presentation arose. We'll refer to this partner as Omarosa from here on out.

She finally arrives in the office around 3 this afternoon. I drop off the binder, and Partner Omarosa says it looks good. Oh, and could I just write up a memo summarizing everything? That would be nice. And then she says it, right to my face with a smile..."Monday is fine." I nodded back "Great!" - my ridiculous smile probably looked like one of those highschool cheerleaders at those Disney competitions where it's unclear if they are grinning or baring their teeth at rival squads. Of course, she kept the binder, meaning I have to re-print every case in it, and then read them, and summarize them. This will take an entire day if I'm fast...an entire day I already earmarked to play catchup with the other billable work for the partners I'm already working with on actual cases. I turned an walked out the door in a bit of a daze, forgetting my notes in the binder. No sooner am I in the hallway than Omarosa calls me back to get it saying "you left your notes...you're probably going to need my cellphone number this weekend. And feel free to email it me on Saturday if you're done early."

Ugh.

I had a battle with the coffee machine, trying to get it to dispense hot water during a client meeting. I bought this fab organic Moroccan Mint tea... it's delish with a few tablespoons of sugar. To make the damned machine work, You have to press a little button that looks like a lock and then a little button that looks like a red faucet. (not the little buttons that look like a beakers, a pitcher, an envelope, and a window- I don't know what those do) I guess it's a locking mechanism so that you can't just pour hot water willy-nilly- someone might sue if they got hurt. Anyhow, as we were gearing up to restart the questioning, I couldn't get it to work, not noticing it was because someone had left a packet of french roast in the dispenser. I kept pressing the buttons, but nothing happened. So Boss walks over, gives me the "you helpless idiot" look, and presses a couple buttons. Well, it worked- kind of... A steady stream of the most foul-smelling brown coffee-like liquid (that I imagine is supposed to pass as instant French Roast) starts squirting into my half-full cup of mint tea, finally stopping juuuuust shy of the brim...

I of course start laughing hysterically- the appropriate response when something only mildly humorous happens in a meeting with two partners and a client. Boss looks confused. I explain that "it's coffee"...he says "that's what you wanted wasn't it?" and then notices the tea tab on the side of the cup, and immediately looks very sheepish. I continue laughing hysterically. (Thank God the Client, who had helped me figure out the machine earlier, also finds it highly amusing) FBI boss looks stoic, unmoved, and possibly a tad annoyed.

Now I'm stuck with what to do with this nasty concoction. I remove the cup. Boss looks horrified, and says "you're not going to drink that, are you?" (he really thought I was going to, too- Apparently, after seeing me atop my desk barefoot he now puts nothing past me from riding a pink scooter to work to this) "well, no, I can't just leave it there, can I?" Of course, the conference room is nowhere near a kitchen or bathroom, so this practically spilling mug of steaming hot grossness has to be carefully carried across half the office, including two giant turkish rugs. I sloooowly make my way over to the ladies room, and notice a water fountain at the entrance. I'm did it! I made it without spilling a drop.

Then I dump the whole mug out in the trough, and it goes EVERYWHERE. Apparently, water fountains are really shallow and not meant to handle more than a trickle of water. I had coffee all over my jacket, my skirt, coffee splotches on my nylons, and across and in my shoes. After 10 minutes in the ladies room with wet paper towels, I was still damp, smelled of minty coffee, and had funny spots all over my high heels. Gah.

Post-script:
I ran into Cleveland Boss in the elevator the next day who mentions that he has something for me. I look frightened and ask what (assuming that he's found the perfect project for me, in addition to my now overdue other 3 which I'm already working on). He hands me a bag of "Calming Chamomile for Quiet Moments." I inform him of the disposal mishap. He tells me that next time, I should find a conveniently located plant... Apparently, I'm not the only smartass in the office.